Apps

The following are some joke applications to some different schools. This is all thanx to some students at UCLA. The first is for the Uiversity of Southern California (University of Spoiled Children). The second is for the Univesity of the State of Arkansas. I have recently added a new application it is really funny, cheak it out.

 

USC:

 

_/ _/ _/_/_/_/_/ _/_/_/_/_/_/
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_/ _/ _/_/_/_/ _/ TROJANS
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_/_/_/_/ _/ _/_/_/ _/_/ _/_/_/

 

 

 

UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

Application for Admission

 

 

Name: Last: First: Suffix:

Home address:

Palm Springs Address:

Height: Weight: Bust (if applicable):

Bench Press: Hair color (natural):

Which of the following body types is nearest to yours (circle one):
mesomorph ectomorph endomorph
(Please ask your doctor if you don't know what these words mean)

Personal bank interest (US and foreign) accrued this past fiscal
year:

Are you a football player? If "Yes", please skip to the last line of
this application.

Number of hired servants in your household:
Number of slaves:

BMW type: Year: Model: Accessories:

List all of YOUR personal major credit cards:

Estimate your parents' yearly income (round off to the closest $50,000;
use exponents if necessary and if you know what they are):

Have you read a book this year? IF "Yes", why?

Have you ever held a job your parents didn't get you? If "Yes", why?

Name five of the United States (for instance, California, New York,
Illinois, Texas, Florida):

What is your favorite prime time sitcom?

Which gossip magazines do you read regularly?

Essays: (answer one question)

(1) Have you ever spoken with a Black person? Describe the experience.

(2) You are going to be stranded at a desert resort hotel for three
weeks. You will be allowed to bring along only five (5) of your family's
servants. Which servants will you bring? Why?

(3) You are trapped in the Beverly Hills I. Magnin for one (1) hour with
only ten thousand (10,000) dollars to spend. What will you buy? Why?

If you can, please send along a high school transcript (your grades)
and also the enclosed tennis pro recommendation. 8 x 10 glossy portraits
of yourself may be substituted in lieu of (instead of) an official
transcript (your grades).

I swear that the information presented is reasonably accurate:

Signature (that's a messy version of your printed name):

Approximate date:


Arkansas:

 

STATE OF ARKANSAS

Residency Application

 

Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob
(last) (_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(Check appropriate box)

Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:
(_) Farmer
(_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser
(_) UN-employed

Spouse's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___

Number that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________

Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
(_) Yes (_) No; please explain:

 

 

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Inquirer
(_) The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable

Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)don't know

 

**************** APPLICATION TO LIVE IN ARKANSAS *****************

Name:_______________________________________________________________
Nickname:___________________________ CB Handle:____________________

Address (RFD):______________________________________________________

Daddy (if unknown afix list of 3 suspects):_________________________

Neck size:____ [] Light Red [] Medium Red [] Dark Red [] Other

Number of teeth exposed in full grin:_______ Upper:_____ Lower:____

Make of Pickup:_________________________ Tire Size:_________________

Hounds:_____________ Type: [] Blue Tick [] Beagle [] Black and Tan

Length of right leg:__________ Length of left leg:__________
other:_________

How many cars/makes in front yard? _________________________________
How many on blocks? ________________________________________________

How many kitchen appliances on front porch? ________________________
back porch? _________________________

When and where was your last "Elvis" sighting? _____________________
____________________________________________________________________

Do you wear mostly polyester pants with snags? [] Yes [] No

Are you married to any of the following? (circle all that apply)

-Sister -Cousin -Cousin's Sister

-Other, Explain:____________________________________________________

Have you EVER had more than one bath a week?
[] No [] Yes, Explain:___________________________________________

 

*Medical Information*

Do you have at least two (2) of the following: [] B.O. [] Lice
[] Crabs [] Bad Breath [] Hoof in Mouth [] Scabs [] Fleas
[] Infected Tatoos [] Crossed eyes [] Runny Nose [] Green Teeth
[] Yellow Teeth [] Any Teeth [] Speach Impediment

*General Information*

Can you count past 20 without stripping? [] yes [] no [] never tried

Favorite Weapon: [] Tire Iron [] Pick Handle
[] Log Chain [] Shotgun

Favorite Pastime: [] Drinkin' [] Coon Huntin'
[] Fishin' [] Fuedin'[] Other

Truck equipped with: [] Gun Rack [] Fuzzbuster [] 8-Track
[] Rebel Flag [] Roll Bar [] C.B. Radio
[] Beer Cans [] Squirrel Tail [] Bull Horns

Favorite Vocalist: [] Elvis (the young Elvis)
[] Elvis (the old Elvis)
[] Elvis (dead)

Cap Emblems: [] John Deere [] CAT [] SKOAL [] Budweiser
[] Bud Dry [] Jack Daniels [] Teamsters local

Merberships: [] NRA [] VFW [] KKK [] 700 Club
[] B.P.O.E. [] Sine-aid Society

Do you vote? [] Yes [] No [] What's that?

Have you ever been in jail? [] Yes [] No [] Born there

Your Signature (one X will do):____________________________Date:_____