The following are some joke applications to some different schools. This is all thanx to some students at UCLA. The first is for the Uiversity of Southern California (University of Spoiled Children). The second is for the Univesity of the State of Arkansas. I have recently added a new application it is really funny, cheak it out.
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_/ _/ _/_/_/_/ _/ TROJANS
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UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
Application for Admission
Name: Last: First: Suffix:
Home address:
Palm Springs Address:
Height: Weight: Bust (if applicable):
Bench Press: Hair color (natural):
Which of the following body types is nearest to yours (circle one):
mesomorph ectomorph endomorph
(Please ask your doctor if you don't know what these words mean)
Personal bank interest (US and foreign) accrued this past fiscal
year:
Are you a football player? If "Yes", please skip to the
last line of
this application.
Number of hired servants in your household:
Number of slaves:
BMW type: Year: Model: Accessories:
List all of YOUR personal major credit cards:
Estimate your parents' yearly income (round off to the closest $50,000;
use exponents if necessary and if you know what they are):
Have you read a book this year? IF "Yes", why?
Have you ever held a job your parents didn't get you? If "Yes", why?
Name five of the United States (for instance, California, New York,
Illinois, Texas, Florida):
What is your favorite prime time sitcom?
Which gossip magazines do you read regularly?
Essays: (answer one question)
(1) Have you ever spoken with a Black person? Describe the experience.
(2) You are going to be stranded at a desert resort hotel for three
weeks. You will be allowed to bring along only five (5) of your family's
servants. Which servants will you bring? Why?
(3) You are trapped in the Beverly Hills I. Magnin for one (1) hour
with
only ten thousand (10,000) dollars to spend. What will you buy? Why?
If you can, please send along a high school transcript (your grades)
and also the enclosed tennis pro recommendation. 8 x 10 glossy portraits
of yourself may be substituted in lieu of (instead of) an official
transcript (your grades).
I swear that the information presented is reasonably accurate:
Signature (that's a messy version of your printed name):
Approximate date:
Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob
(last) (_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(Check appropriate box)
Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
(_) Farmer
(_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser
(_) UN-employed
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_
Do you have a gun rack?
(_) Yes (_) No; please explain:
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Inquirer
(_) The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable
Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)don't know
**************** APPLICATION TO LIVE IN ARKANSAS *****************
Name:_______________________________________________________________
Nickname:___________________________ CB Handle:____________________
Address (RFD):______________________________________________________
Daddy (if unknown afix list of 3 suspects):_________________________
Neck size:____ [] Light Red [] Medium Red [] Dark Red [] Other
Number of teeth exposed in full grin:_______ Upper:_____ Lower:____
Make of Pickup:_________________________ Tire Size:_________________
Hounds:_____________ Type: [] Blue Tick [] Beagle [] Black and Tan
Length of right leg:__________ Length of left leg:__________
other:_________
How many cars/makes in front yard? _________________________________
How many on blocks? ________________________________________________
How many kitchen appliances on front porch? ________________________
back porch? _________________________
When and where was your last "Elvis" sighting? _____________________
____________________________________________________________________
Do you wear mostly polyester pants with snags? [] Yes [] No
Are you married to any of the following? (circle all that apply)
-Sister -Cousin -Cousin's Sister
-Other, Explain:____________________________________________________
Have you EVER had more than one bath a week?
[] No [] Yes, Explain:___________________________________________
*Medical Information*
Do you have at least two (2) of the following: [] B.O. [] Lice
[] Crabs [] Bad Breath [] Hoof in Mouth [] Scabs [] Fleas
[] Infected Tatoos [] Crossed eyes [] Runny Nose [] Green Teeth
[] Yellow Teeth [] Any Teeth [] Speach Impediment
*General Information*
Can you count past 20 without stripping? [] yes [] no [] never tried
Favorite Weapon: [] Tire Iron [] Pick Handle
[] Log Chain [] Shotgun
Favorite Pastime: [] Drinkin' [] Coon Huntin'
[] Fishin' [] Fuedin'[] Other
Truck equipped with: [] Gun Rack [] Fuzzbuster [] 8-Track
[] Rebel Flag [] Roll Bar [] C.B. Radio
[] Beer Cans [] Squirrel Tail [] Bull Horns
Favorite Vocalist: [] Elvis (the young Elvis)
[] Elvis (the old Elvis)
[] Elvis (dead)
Cap Emblems: [] John Deere [] CAT [] SKOAL [] Budweiser
[] Bud Dry [] Jack Daniels [] Teamsters local
Merberships: [] NRA [] VFW [] KKK [] 700 Club
[] B.P.O.E. [] Sine-aid Society
Do you vote? [] Yes [] No [] What's that?
Have you ever been in jail? [] Yes [] No [] Born there
Your Signature (one X will do):____________________________Date:_____